Back on Track

Firstly excuse the lack of blogging lately, despite the lack in blogging, I must point out that I have exceeded the national average for blogging as a whopping 7 out of 10 blogs only last 1 week! so yes, this morning has a sense of achievement that goes with it.

Its a great shame I can't say the same for Orange. Despite having a weekend off (first in a while) I returned to the Hague trial on Tuesday and was immediately marched into the Office for my first interrogation. I believe the management team has adopted roles of good cop bad cop, for their interrogation technique while Imran (deputy Manager) sits in the big swirly chair slapping a bit of paper around firing off dates in my direction, the manager sits on a small chair some distance away in a dark corner. The meeting begins

"it appears that stapling has become an issue"! I've got three bits of paper here all not stapled"! said Imran
For some reason unbeknown to me I took the paper and examined it, sure it enough it wasn't stapled! This was very peculiar as only a few weeks ago, I was called in for using 3 staples instead of the universally excepted one neat staple at the 45 degree angle in the corner.

In other news, all is well on the home front, I've accepted more of a long term diet plan, which means I can eat more and just lose weight a little slower but thats not to much of an issue as apparently its not getting hot till slightly later in the year due to climate change, so I will be able to hide the unlost fat under baggy jumpers for a little while longer.

No need to get Arsy!

"life's a game boy, a game that must be played by the rules" I'm aware that J.D Salanger wrote this in one the opening paragraphs of the Catcher in the Rye. However I think my manager may be living and dying by this quote. I wouldn't mind his eternal moaning, bitching while enforcing any rule down to the letter, including ones his made up such as really silly ones about leaving shoes and not being able to buy booze on the work Christmas Do (in January). Surely there is a way out of this, maybe leaving whistleblwing links to HR open on most computer screens will send some sort of hint on the morale of the staff

Theres no point in crying over spilt Milk!

They say a problem shared is a problem halved, so does this give me permission to stand up in Starbucks and shout my problem at the mothers meeting who have clearly disregarded their children letting them run wild screaming?, All I wanted was a quiet stress free £1 coffee to get some work done! This is my problem, on top of the normal banging, steaming and shouting from the baristas the crescendo from the children make it unbearable. So please tell me if I do stand up and scream my problem at all 5 mothers, will this half my problem as I've been so wisely informed from our TV doctors?

Rail Stations

Firstly I revoke what ever I said about National Rail1! I shall not rant and rave as most the nation has the same opinion on them and its now old new, The UK has accustomed itself to a bad rail network! (yet we do still like a good moan).

Secondly I am very pleased of acquiring the mints, Turned out that I do really like polos after nervously emptying the entire packet into my mouth, (they don't count in the diet as there is a big hole in the middle!). I feel that my new years resolutions hopefully won't have to be in a stated order after all!

have just arrived back at station to go to this evenings shindig, Despite further delays in National Rail Services I remain ever optimistic a good night will be had. I've made a pledge to myself that I am going to avoid the following phrases:

a) I've got to admit
b) any sentence followed by a polyphonic hmmm

The rest of this train journy will be spend deciding about the drinking arrangements for this evening, as I have only consumed 3/4s of a packet of very empty small crisps I feel that I've saved a few calories for a pint, yet the moral high ground will be with me if I can remain sobre for the week!

We shall see where the will power takes us!

Good Day v Bad Day

Its been a mixed day today, even I can't decided if I'm in a good or bad mood day today, I had the first bit of saturated fat in weeks from weatherspoons while meeting a friend for breakfast, which was lovely, then immediately had a microphone shoved in my face during the radio journalism class which shared with King George VI is one of my greatest hates! (The Kings Speech is excellent if you want to know more about King George and microphones) followed by feeling of fatness from breakfast and rolling myself down the hill to the bank to pay the months rent! Then capped off the day was a joke and laugh, which although hugely inappropriate for an editorial meeting was enough to put me in a good mood once again!

Back at the big yellow house a debate had broken about class snobbery and Heat magazine after a house mate blogged downgrading remarks about Heat magazine. For once in my life I decided to keep my mouth shut and my opinions close to my chest! That said I did try and research the demographical range Heat Magazine aims at to see if it would support either side of the argument, however I got distracted by some breasts on the front page and an interesting article about why all men are idiots further into the publication, so I have returned to my natural state and decided to have a yogurt instead.

The Futures not bright, The future defiantly isn't Orange

For a part time job I work in Retail (for Orange). This is my first retail job and I think I've picked up a few points

a) The only progression you can make in a retail career is a greater hatred for the general public
b) If you have a room filled with blind monkeys they would be more helpful than customer services.
c) you can smile and call a customer Sir all you like, he will still think your a muppet (and treat you in such a manor)

This short introduction was only to forward the point of todays Vision Express experience. The Lady who served me was lovely, very happy and pleasant as was her work experience girl, Who looked like she'd possibly being playing Apple Bobbing in a bowl of bronzer this morning. However what they don't teach you in optician school is how to lie!

At the work station infront of me I had three glasses priced at £80,£120,£190 all very nice. Naturally she recommended the most expensive, and forced them to me, disregarding all other frames like they were lesser humans of the scum variety. As I placed them on my face, she sat back and pulled a face indicating I might have just smeared poo all over my face, or I had volcanoes of seeping warts appear. followed by "Wow they really suit you, you should totally go for them" . At this stage I had come to the conclusion I could have Cameron Diaz sit on my face and she still would of gone for the ridiculously expensive glasses.

Still at least I could rely on her non biased opinion when picking the lens, oh wait her computer told her I must get and seriously need the £300 top of the range lens.
I'd like to say work experience girl was more helpful, but under all that make up she had the best poker face in the world!

Fast food, Slow internet

I can't imaging ever buying a ferrari (I'm a student) and finding out that its got the same engine as a Ford Fiesta and comes with a pile of bricks in the boot for most of the day .. that is until I experienced the full power of Virgin Media Data Capping regulations. I won't rant I've just added a copy of their "traffic management scheme" below and may start a full blown riot in the morning, what do you say get all the students together again for one last protest ?

http://shop.virginmedia.com/help/traffic-management/traffic-management-policy.html

Had a lovely time shopping with Jasmin in London, a true fashion guru! apart from being taken round some shops with sizes that would only fit my cousins 3 year old! Something tells me their skinny skinny jeans wouldn't fit on one of my arms, let alone my legs. I think some one stole all the Paul Smith T-shirts of Barbie and Ken! On saying that I did end up with a rather nice shirt, it reminds me of my Nans tablecloth, its a white shirt as well so i think much like the table cloth it will end up with red wine and plum sauce down it!

Talking of Plum sauce we ordered the most guilty pleasurable chinese in the world (I will run marathon tomorrow to shred the added weight) washed down with a glorious bottle of red wine, with cats and Dogs 2 for entertainment (till virgin Media Put the breaks one the internet!)

Work Parties, Chicken and Car Crashes!

New Years Resolution

1) Loose weight
2) Gain Confidence
3) Find Love

These were my resolutions put in place a few days ago, Through trial and error it has emerged that it isn't possible to drink past stage one straight onto stage 2! As a long term plan it just isn't a good idea!

Secondly with new found confidence after copious amounts of beer and a free shot of sambuca and tequila, its not a good idea to play the lead role in a RTA outside your house!. As far as my qualifications take me I'm neither a police officer nor a mechanic or a community support officer. On reflection maybe some of my advice given to the devastated neighbour explaining the damage to his now written off car could be just be polished out wasn't the best advice I could give. Maybe he would of preferred a nice cup of tea.

After a rather strong coffee this morning and some much needed detail from the house mates, the troubles all started the moment walked into Nandos. The over crowded chicken selling hell! I accept that its a very popular place to eat, but just how hard do you have to make eating chicken!

Standard practice in restaurants has been working well for 1000s of years, you come in, sit down, order, have food placed in front of you, pay and leave . . .. this is it! how simple!
So why does Nandos feel the need to challenge you to the assault course of stray children, chairs and buggies to get to the till, create some sort of fantasy meal from microwaved side dishes, sauces and breads! Then just as you think you can sit down for a chat you have to take the empty glasses back through the assault couse to the table to distribute glasses so you can all re do the assault course to pick up cutlery, drinks, sauces etc etc then some how get back with out spilling anything! Then just as you think the hellish ordeal is over they bugger up your meal no end, and trying to get to the end of what sauce, went where with what dish and what chips is degree level hell!
I believe this lead us to peruse slightly better bars and so it begun!

Still thank you very much to Orange for the lovely meal out.

What a Day!

Its not often I smile from one side of my face to other. But today I have!

After a lot of train journeys and a lot of running around, the people I've seen today reminded what true happiness really is (I'm aware I've missed a few out). I've drank enough coffee to keep a small army going and walk for miles and miles. Its now been over 15 hours since I set out this morning and I'm still laughing (maybe something to do with the caffeine!).

I've had to turn a blind eye to the rather amazing steak and kidney pie and chips, but as my Great Aunt once said "don't be sensible because its boring" this was also true washing it down with a few pints of beer. I did feel the beer had more effect than normal when I saw a collie collecting beer mats off tables and placing them on the bar. But after confirming with the bar guy, there really is a bar trained dog who collects beer mats! who knew?

New Tricks

They say you can't teach an old new tricks, from today I disagree! National Rail run perfectly on time, and apparently today was the right type of rain to cause no delays! secondly after arriving in Harlow Town Famed for having an alarmingly hight teenage pregnancy rate I walked past 2 used condoms and 1 empty one (bad luck who ever the owner is) and a empty pack of contraceptive pills!

When Murphy's law strikes

I've always been a great believer in karma, this morning it struck with full force! the one day I decided to get my gortex water proof jacket cleaned, It absolutely chucks it down. I guess its god's way of punishing me for the banana and chocolate pancake I knocked up half way through the A team last night (yes it was absolutely heavenly), and in my defence all ingredients had to be used; I hate wastage! I thank Raz for the loan of her banana.

Still, It forced me to run the distance from London Bridge to the little Pret in Aldgate to meet Auntie, so I guess me and the big man are even now.

With Karma restored I had a lovely lunch with Auntie, with only a few wasted calories from the 2 packets of crisps, 1 bag of sweet potato the other roasted root vegetables, after a critical trial we came to a joint conclusion the sweet potato crisps were tasteless and were like chewing cheap brittle plastic.

Lunch over and procrastinating ended I started work on my Holocaust work due in for next week! after 30 minutes I noticed that some jewish men in traditional dress had sat within viewing distance of my literature so decided it was time to finally write some thank you cards before it was too late!

Its rather amazing how times flies as some one I am very much looking forward to meeting contacted reminding me about our plans and I agreed on a time leaving a window of just 7 minutes to get to my train, Like Jason Born I dashed through the station, (just without the guns and baddies, also having to stop for my young persons ticket, looking like a drowned like a rat)

have reached train and must remember to pick up some mints to chew to counter the horrible crisps. Luckily for me a french family have managed to sit next to me cramming me into a tiny corner with their baggage on my leg and have placed their screaming child next to me. Still I can smile knowing that I've been charged more for this journey than last year with hope that by 2015 it will be margining nicer.

and yes, women in the overcoat I can see you reading over my shoulder; my blog is available online if you wish to read on as I am closely approaching my station,


James

Plum Sauce Drama

My Gosh! Just a quickie!

I have just found discovered you can buy a pot of plum sauce from the take away. This cheered me up no end after finding out apparently washing grows in size after its been laundered! so no longer fits in your bag and gets wet in the rain

Evening meal is a bit 50/50 healthy dieting

a bed of wilted spinach topped with grilled duck and mushrooms and noodles; not bad not bad

Cafe day

Last task to my new year clean up; washing!

Sadly in our house full of broken white appliances the washing machine was the first to crack under the pressure of 4 girls and 2 guys needing a constant fix of clean underwear. It was time to clean everything firstly because the washing pile was now more of an island that Ernest Shackleton would be proud of exploring, and secondly... I'll leave the secondly with intent of preserving dignity.

I've only been to the Launderette a few times but I still find it a strange place, one of the few places in the world you can have all your undies on display and no one blinks an eye. more so it seems to create meaningless philosophical conversation generally generated by some quote from a Page 3 model in the Sun. So I drop off a bag with hope that in 4/5 hours to return to a bag brimming with paired socks, smelling more socially acceptable than before.

With Regret this means I do have quite a bit of time to kill, so decided with some companions to investigate the newly opened Hope and Faith cafe (Hither Green), opened by a family in memorial of their son who was sadly stabbed in the local area.

When we arrived the barrista was busy enthusiastically bashing a jug of steamed milk on any hard surface, I've seen this done in many coffee shops, I don't quiet understand the purpose despite working for Starbucks for a year, I've never grasped what all this bashing is about? any clues?

We are now on day 2 of the diet and as expected its to have a few teething problems, this came in the form of the daily changing menu Hope and Faith provide today was bacon sandwich day!!! Like a Siren to a sailor I fell into the fateful trapped and ordered one full of mayonaise as the great Nigella says "if your going to get wet you might as well go swimming" I must point out it wasn't my fault also that they didn't serve black coffee and they only had full fat milk for a cappuccino. (I have a theory as there is more air in the milk its healthier). luckily a girl I am very much attracted to text me reminding of plans to meet for dinner next week reminded me of why of the purpose to this diet and I was drawn away from many of the other pastries and cakes and concluded with Green Tea.

Stil time to collect the washing and go feast on garden plants!

Blinkered like a horse past the fat

With the idea that if Jamie Oliver can knock up half decent healthy meals and conquer childhood obesity from there, Sainsbury's seemed like a good place to start.

Shopping normally consists of shovelling what ever takes your fancy in the trolly (It does if your a student with no family, no meal plan, and anything goes). The 2011 shop was very different. The cake aisle was closed armed with a mirage of myself hovering above the custard filled donuts; Fat and alone with an industrial sized box of snickers.

This proved more than enough to hurry back to the fruit and vegetables.

Shop complete I was armed with a shop good enough to make Gillian Mackieth faint! (for real this time). Armed with the Ammunition I need, I was ready to create calorie controlled hell in the Kitchen!

A New Year

While I'm aware that its currently the 5th of January, I decided that there was absolutely no point in starting a fresh until the old was completely out the way. Sadly due to the purchase of a new 40" telly this has taken more time that I previously expected. Never the less, I feel the stage is now set to start a new fresh new start.

Unlike much of the UK, I've taken rather seriously to my New Years resolutions. Which I've planned in a cascading domino effect, with hope that one action may lead to another.

so in order

1) Lose weight

2) Gain Confidence

3) Find love

While you and I may see this as a standard NYR (New Years resolution), There are a few hurdles that will need to be over come before any of this will take effect. A sort of Sub NYR if you please. these consist of: Conquering love and passion for; a)Bacon Sandwiches b) Cake c) Finger Food

Of course not eating these will help hugely in the weight loss department, but also I assume that stuffing my normally intoxicated mouth with greasy cocktail sausages will help massively with attracting a self respecting ladies.

so from the bottom of my heart welcome to the start of rabbit food hell.