James Bond- Gone wrong

It all started while I was sat doing some work in Pret. Suddenly a young teen waved a baguette at me and asked "how much" I shrugged (but did fancy the baguette) and discovered someone pushing a map at me asking for directions, I pointed him on his way and off they went.

Now I've watched the Hustle on the BBC lots of times, so it didn't take me 2 seconds to realised they just nabbed my phone! damn then! I threw my kit in my bag and gave chase! Sadly I'm not a sprinter AT ALL! and I'd just ate quiet a large amount of cake so would inevitably be ill if I did give chase for more than a 50 metres or so! Also flip flops, a summery shirt and lose shorts that constantly fell down didn't help! From the brief chase I gave I do want to know how James Bond goes running down the street magically no one gets in the way. I got stuck behind two OAPS and prams!

I gave up, and returned to the cafe for cake to heal my wounds, What would of I had done if I did catch up with them anyway? Throw them to the ground and stamp on their neck till they gave the phone up! I Think not! neither could I think of anything dignified or acceptable to shout at them while children were around anyway.

Being British I didn't have time for a stern letter, So I started up the tracking software that I had on the iphone linked to my mac, Thinking it would be lovely and easy this impressive Apple software I was relying on had one small floor ... If they turn the phone off or go underground its crap! (again Bond never has trouble with this either) so I gave up that plan as well.
I marched as best I could in summer attire to the police station to report the crime where the PC sat behind the desk pointed to a phone in the corner. Seriously?
Press 1 If your being mugged, press 2 if you'r being assaulted press 3 for all drug related issues and muppets with unimportant issues press 4

Hovering my fingering 4 I was surprised to get through to a man, who after the first few questions was expecting me to solve the crime myself ... "Do you know the name and address of the men who stole your phone?" he questioned.

Seeming rather shocked I answered no to both, he continued with more pressing questions.

Still at 9 O clock the next day a man dress like a black power ranger turned up with a new shiny one for me! It was then it dawned on me the most costly thing they stole was the bloody case! Still at least they clearly had taste! It was TedBaker!

The Future

It started trying to pick out some clothes as a present for 18 month year old twins. I realised that I actually knew very little about children. Realising it was impossible to measure children by miming big fish little fish, cardboard box to guess the size of the child. and being told off for describing some of the 18-36 month clothing as "slutty". I felt leaving the pursuit of the two outfits and looking at other things with 2 to 3 year old labels on ... such as in the wine Isle.

Then I felt a change. Actually shopping for a child would make me appreciate needs and practicality. By "needs" I don't just mean should I buy some fruit this week or blow my budget on Jammy dodgers! I think I actually want to be good at this paternal business. Only the other day I was discussing the impracticality of owning the new Ferrari FF Italia as it only has tiny rear seats, with the average owner keeping their car for 3-5 years I'd be 26 and hopefully starting a family, It just wouldn't be practical putting a baby in the boot.
(ok we were talking about the Ford Fiesta) but still you see my point! I've got to start planning for the future!

I've felt myself adopting a new perspectives to money and lifestyle, ways of thinking my parents have been explaining to me since a child, and to be quiet frank I've scared myself! I truly have! Only today in Sainsburys I picked up an x Box 360 and then told myself (stupidly out loud while on my own) "put it down, You don't need it! you need to buy fruit and avoid the cake isle! For some one who's just had his student loan. I think thats a very scary (but wise) thing to happen. I never though I'd be repeating my parents but still it actually made sense.

I might have strayed down the cake isle just a little bit, I'm not pretending I'm perfect just yet!

and I forgot the bloody potatoes AGAIN!!!

Special K diet

I know its been quiet on here lately, the reason for this lately is the sunshine. What a beautiful start to the month. Really I love the sunshine it makes everything look that much nicer! Even Lewisham has got a fresh look, even if chickens, lambs and goats heads hanging from the butcher ceiling are now starting to smell a bit in the heat.

The strange thing I find about the Summer is how all the fruit and veg now look so exciting and fresh as aposed to the winter. Maybe its because I know at some point in the next few weeks I'll have to get my top off in a swimming pool or at the beach. So scoffing down a packet of Digestives won't help me fit in that all important little red swimming bikini you see on the Kellogs Special K advert.

On that note; I tried the The Kellogs special K diet where you supposedly lose a jean size in 2 weeks. I never knew it was indeed possible to brand and commercialise starvation and hell! 30g of cardboard flavoured rubbish twice a day for two weeks, there is no chance in hell I'd end up happily prancing across a swimming pool in a little red swim suit at the end of the two weeks! Chances are I'd either be trying to suck the plancton out the water for a quick snack, or admit failure and eat the nearest cafe out of business! I'm sorry but all I lost in the whole 7 days I tried it was 5 pound which was spent on the most wonderful Weatherspoons breakfast after admitting defeat.

Just because no ones watching

Finally the builders have gone! and I'm really not sorry to see them go. Of course I mean this as no stain on their characters as they were both very nice people. But dear lord, getting out of bed in the morning and instantly being in the presences of strangers is very hard to get used to.

We all do things in the privacy of our own homes, that can only be justified simply by the fact no ones watching. Like licking ketchup off your own body as its dripped out your bacon Sandwich, while you bum around in ill fitting clothes unwashed, watching some rubbish morning TV with your only interest being if it was him that got her pregnant or not. However all this has come to an end for the past few weeks just because of the builders. I've always felt like i've had to have been washed, looking like I'm doing something slightly productive, and the amount of ketchup thats been wasted is unforgivable!

Whats more is the small talk! I'm normally very good at small talk working in a shop and all. However after a few weeks it started to wear a bit thin, It came a habit in the last few days to check the weather on Google just before I headed downstairs so I could hold up my end of the conversation, as inevitably there was going to be the subject of the Weather or Libya brought up after the morning pleasantries. Other conversation were a bit easier to play the nodding dog to and at 0830AM I'd generally agree with him to just about anything. Some things I seem to remember talking about were

1)The prices of new Bricks v The prices of old Bricks
2)The compatibility of SLR and DSLR Nikon Lenses post 1990.
3) His knee
4) His knee getting worse
5) His Knee stopping him from working
6) His Knee causing pain
7) Afganistan
8) The Weather in Afganistan

So yes, like I said although they were both nice people, I can return to dipping prawn crackers in curry and making Tea in my boxers and I can do all this because once again "No ones watching!"