Modern Women And Cavemen

Meeting girls was once very simple, but if you delve into it nowadays its tricky! I'm sure its not just me, to try and gain some empathy heres a few scenarios that takes you right from the start to the end of my troubles.

Your at the bar/party, strangely a girl starts to talk to you DEAR LORD WHAT DO YOU DO! first impressions count but at this point your a bit busy panicking and blushing to really engage in conversation or even attempt humour. So you panic more. I tend to find in this case hiding behind your pint is always a good start, your safer there. To settle your nerves you near on down your drink which firstly results in you hiding behind see-through glass and secondly no cold pint to reduce the blushing. This plan does have its floors, if the drink your hiding behind is a zombie with 8 shots of rum, don't gulp it down! The face you pull while it burns down your neck is an instant give away especially if your sobre
So your now settled, you've got a few jokes in, and I've gone the whole night with out asking if she has updated her Blackberry to the new OS BB6. Apart from mentioning the weather twice by mistake your doing ok, she might actually think your normal. Then some bright arse suggests clubbing begrudgingly you nod acceptingly, and trundle to the club You'r conversation technique is now null and void, no one can hear anything! and your being judged on your dancing! DANCING! as you try and muster the last saving words by hollering loudly in each others ear, she starts to shake her hips, she is actually a very good dancer, you'r in fact your terrible. as you bounce hopelessly with the music, while getting hotter and hotter you pray for an end to this madness, you'r now hot sweaty, bobbing up and down, and you think you might have forgotten her name,

Scenario 2
So you've met and things are going well, you arrange to go on a date and have dinner. I once read a very good tip that works, eat before you go out for dinner, that way its not about the food its about her (and you don't mind giving her the last dough ball! I was told Orange Wednesday at Pizza express isn't classed as a proper date I'll never understand why). From my experience heres some hints and tips to get you through

1) She really dosen't care about the new IPAD, its not a starting point of conversation!
2) Pinot Grigo is always a safe wine to go for, (Shiraz if Red)
3) Your not on your own at home, or on Master Chef, cut things up smaller than normal, for some strange reason it looks more dignified.
4) If its a buffet, forget the prawn crackers, they pile up your plate to much and it could be used for more valuable things, like shredded chilly beef.
4.1) resist all temptation for the buffet pig out, its not happening tonight. Small portions.

Anywho things are going very well and one evening she comes back to yours, DEAR LORD! Maniacally you try to remember what state the house is in and you pray you haven't left your a)dirty underwear in the bathroom b) washing up around the house c) bed unmade. From my experience, also try and remember if you actually have any clean wineglasses/ mugs available. After all this making out your a bright young respectable man, and opening a good wine (by good wine I mean it cost £12.. that was then on 1/2 price.. that was then on 3 for £10 in Tesco) having to turn to her and say, do you mind a plastic cup left over from last weeks party brings your credibility down a tiny bit.